I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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