is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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