I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize