Will you blow on my dice?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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