so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize