I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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