the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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