It's like a parade of train wrecks.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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