Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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