kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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