Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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