No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
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I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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