she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
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