apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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