Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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