i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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