I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
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She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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