my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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