he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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