Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
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remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
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I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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