Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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