this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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