I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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