Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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