I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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