The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize