I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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