you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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