Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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