I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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