Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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