your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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