Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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