I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize