Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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