Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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