So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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