If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize