btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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