She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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