His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
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There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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