I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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