Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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