I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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