It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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