i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
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does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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