all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pinky promised me she was 18
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize