yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
wat bout pragnant strippers??
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
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You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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