every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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