I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
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Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
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My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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