i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize